Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
