He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
