we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
