mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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