Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
