He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
