worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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