I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
