he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
