We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
