It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
