She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
