I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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