Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
