I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Blood and glitter go together right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
