You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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