Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
