its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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