I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
