it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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