opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
