Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
