we have pet lesbian snakes
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I didn't shave. On purpose
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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