who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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