Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
