i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she peed on how many people?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
