if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
