i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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