I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
