All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
