I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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