I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
