Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
50% drunk capacity currently
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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