Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
