you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
