Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
