ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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