There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
