I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So vagazzling was a success
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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