Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
how does that bad decision feel?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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