Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
