was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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