Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
