I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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