Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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