i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
