my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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