i think my mom watched the whole time
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
