I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
