Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
