I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
