You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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