could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
